EP. 174 Full Episode

Leigh Ann: [00:00:00] Hello, happy Monday. Welcome back to the Accrescent Podcast. I’m your host, Leigh Ann Lindsey. Today, I, we have more of a fun, personal episode between my good friend Kelly and I. You guys know she’s been on the podcast a few times, and it’s so great to have her on because she really helps Facilitate some of the conversations I want to have or the information I want to share, but I think she’s able to pull a lot more out of me than I could always just share on my own.

So this is just a fun conversation where we’re talking about some of my reflections and takeaways from 2024. We talk about how I process and am continuing to process the breakup that I went through last year. Um, you know, the difference between processing and surviving. We talk about the recent sound bath that I hosted and how it, it actually impacted me in some ways that really were very surprising for me.

And I cried the whole way home. [00:01:00] And I talk about what that was about, why after I reflected on it more, what I think those tears were about and why it was so special. And then we talk about kind of something random, but how. This fear of flying has come up for me recently that I’ve never had in my life And how on a recent flight I decided, you know, I need to figure this out And I really was able to workshop that and since then that fear of flying has completely gone away So we bounce around a little bit between a number of different topics, but I still think it’s a really really Fascinating engaging fun conversation.

So thank you so much kelly for helping facilitate and please enjoy

So a brand that I just discovered this year and have been absolutely obsessed with it is the fullest saffron latte I actually had nikki bostwick the founder of the fullest on the podcast. That episode is 156 [00:02:00] For any who want to go back and listen to it and i’ll make sure it’s linked in the show notes below as well the episode But after I had this conversation with her I immediately ran out and bought The saffron latte powder and it is so delicious I drink it every single evening and it’s become such a beautiful ritual for me because I’m such a beverage girlie I love having different beverages to drink throughout the day, but to also have something in the evening that has no caffeine Such clean ingredients, but what you’ll guys hear if you haven’t listened to that podcast episode yet is that the studies have found recently that Saffron at a certain dose at a certain dose is just as effective as Prozac for helping anxiety, depression, ADHD, and so it’s something that I have absolutely loved myself.

I feel like I’ve noticed a difference in my general countenance being even more uplifted, calm, grounded, especially for me in this time of a lot [00:03:00] of change. And it’s something I have been recommending so much lately to clients, to some of my cancer patients, because of how clean it is. And there’s so many other benefits outside of the mood support, the anxiety, the depression, it’s super anti inflammatory, anti cancerous.

But it’s become kind of my product of the year that I’m just like, oh my god, how can I get everyone to try this? So they have the latte powder, which I absolutely love and the dosage of saffron in the latte powder is the highest But they also have capsules that you can take that still meet that minimum dosage that has been studied And the capsules are a little bit, a little bit less expensive as well.

So really encourage you guys check out the link below in the show notes for discount codes, holiday sales, and give the fullest to try. Well, this is so fun. It feels like it’s been so long since we’ve done a podcast between the two of us. I know. And [00:04:00] with that said, kind of coming into this conversation, I was like, what, what is interesting?

There’s always so many different things we could talk about. Um, for me, like there were a couple takeaways from 2024 and just some recent experiences that I think would be interesting to share. Yeah. But with that said, I also don’t I’m kind of changing the way I approach the new year and living a little bit more seasonally, which means not starting all these resolutions and big, big plans and jumping into everything like in the dead of winter, when I actually think ancestrally, seasonally, we’re supposed to just be going inward, reflecting, slowing down, doing less.

So, I spend most of January just reflecting on the last year and then it’s more like, I think, February coming into March when I really start to then look to the year ahead and go, what are my intentions? What am I aiming for? Et cetera. So this isn’t going to be too much of [00:05:00] that because I haven’t done any of that yet.

Yeah.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah. But there’s also some things, uh, from last year, maybe to kind of highlight to your point, it’s winter, it’s a season of going inward. So perhaps we kind of start there and look back a little bit in order to kind of peek ahead.

Leigh Ann: Yes, exactly. Perfect. So with that said, one of the things I wanted, I think, to start off with is I know the audience might be aware, but last year was such a big year for me.

Highs and lows, right? Um, but the biggest one being my eight year relationship ended. I moved out, got my own place, um, and that was, although it was so aligned and I knew, as soon as, as soon as I moved out, there was such a peace and such a calm and it was as amicable and loving as any separation could ever be.

You know, you were there for a lot of it. It was still absolutely devastating. And something that I was reflecting on over these last couple weeks is how, even though now [00:06:00] it’s, you know, maybe six months out from that, even though now I’m not crying every single day and I’m super, super activated when I think about it and filled with tons and tons of grief, that’s always right there underneath the surface.

What I really was talking myself through is just because I’m not activated all the time about this doesn’t mean I’ve actually processed it. Yeah. And I think that was, that’s important for all of us to acknowledge and hear because I do think sometimes people say, right, oh, just time heals. I work with clients every single day who will come in and go, Oh, well, yeah, but like I never think about that anymore.

Or, um, yeah, but it doesn’t really bother me anymore. So I guess I’m over it. I guess I’ve processed it. And really it’s just, no, no, no. The sting isn’t as intense just because it’s not. Activating you, I do not think means we have actually done that deep processing. And in fact, I see it [00:07:00] poke its head out, right?

Again, I’m not living in thoughts of that every single day, but I have these moments where maybe a song comes on or a memory comes up and it hits me so hard. Or for me recently, it’s been acknowledging the sadness that’s deep, deep there. And I’m like, okay. I, the last six months was about surviving. It was like the rug has been pulled out from under me.

I need to make sure my, I don’t sabotage my business. I don’t sabotage this PhD program I’m starting. I still like maintain my connections and my relationships. I don’t just like fall off the face of the planet. Um, and that was just surviving. And that was, it’s just powerful I think for me to even sit with that myself to go, okay, you survived, you got through the storm.

Now the storm’s over, we’ve got to go back and sit with it. Now that I have the safety and the security and the grounding, [00:08:00] now I go back.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah. It’s almost like you put it all in a box for a period and you’re like, that’s got to go away. You start to get an inner nudge, like, okay, I think maybe I could go over the box and like, maybe bring it out and look at it.

I don’t even have to open it. Maybe I’m just looking at it. And then in a couple of weeks, I might like peek open a little corner and you just slowly start to get into that, that headspace of like, Oh, I’ve got the resources, you know, not even in like, not necessarily anything has changed, you know, like you, you’ve, um, I guess they just need to say like, you’ve still got the same life you lived, you know, three or four months ago.

It’s not like, But you’ve changed, right? And Your capacity to kind of take a peek into that boxes is coming to you really natural.

Leigh Ann: Yeah, and I just think that it’s also helpful I think to have that framework because I think it could come off as this emotional work. We’re supposed to do Okay. In, in the thick of something devastating that’s happening or [00:09:00] grief, anger, whatever it might be, I need to immediately be processing it as it’s happening in real time.

And I think that’s a bit lofty, although absolutely, you know, even as I was going through it, I was trying to tune in and allow my emotions to be expressed and not totally repressed. But that was more about like, I’m just need to get these emotions out. And you know, in the work I do with myself and clients, it’s.

It’s much, much more than just emotional expression. It’s what limiting beliefs are surfacing, what’s getting ingrained in my psyche. And I just think it’s more realistic for people to understand the reality of life is that oftentimes we’re not going to be able to do the deep processing we need to do in real time.

Kelly Schmidt: It’s

Leigh Ann: okay. It’s okay if you’re not processing it all in real time. But don’t let that lure you into complacency where the activation, the intensity of it [00:10:00] goes down. So you think you’re just over it. Yeah. To your

Kelly Schmidt: point, maybe you’re processing how you’re feeling in real time, right? You’re getting things out of your system.

Um, you’re allowing it to move through you. So it’s not getting immediately lodged and stuck in there, but I don’t necessarily go back to periods of big upheaval in my life and look back at my journal and think. Oh, that was, that was a great train of thought. I’m really glad I took that all the way, you know, like I think, I think the reality is that sometimes we have to go back and say like, okay, that’s where I was.

And that was the reality of how it felt. And I thought I needed to do this or this was going to be true, but with time, something else has unfolded and I have a little bit more perspective.

Leigh Ann: Yeah. And I just think there is so much right. The unconscious is so vast. And I think there’s so much that gets created in the unconscious when we’re going through these things.

As an example, I was, um, out camping with my best friend and we were on one of our long hikes just talking about it. And I was like, [00:11:00] something that’s starting to sort of bubble up inside of me as it pertains to that separation and moving forward is I’m realizing I have some fears and potential limiting beliefs around.

Can I actually do this life alone? Like, can I just be a successful adult who is trying to build a business and make impact and, and hopefully do big things. And I, I have some fears that I can’t and it’s sort of like. In the thick of that separation, those weren’t the conscious thoughts running through my head.

But as I am quietly starting to dip back into that and go, what imprints, how did I come out of that? What, what did get stirred up in my psyche from that experience? Some of these things then start to surface. And I just think that is, that’s why it’s so important is we don’t even realize the imprints it’s having sometimes until.

Weeks and months later. And if we never go back and do that reflecting, you [00:12:00] know, this, this fear or thought of, can I really do this alone? These big dreams I have, can I do that on my own without a partner in life at this time?

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah.

Leigh Ann: Like that could really hold me back. If I never allowed, you know, brought that to the surface and then workshopped it.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah. So true. And do you feel like there’s a, like a time and a place or a space or even a head space where you find these thoughts are coming to you most easily or most they’re most accessible?

Leigh Ann: I think it’s, there’s probably a number of answers I can give to that. Sometimes I just find when you’re just observing yourself really gently, right?

The unconscious always wants to be heard. So over the last six months, I’d say like the first three to four months, not a lot of this was coming up. It was just like that raw emotion, the grief, the hurt, the fear. There were all these then [00:13:00] like thoughts paired with it initially. And it really was just about letting that fear come out, letting it be expressed, letting the grief come out.

Crying as often as I needed to, but for me, oftentimes it starts very subtly where it’s just all of a sudden there’s like a heaviness in me every day. Or again, um, there’s a theme of a thought, like the thought starts to come up more and more like lately it’s been, I, I feel really lonely or I feel really insignificant.

I feel really small. How am I going to, how am I going to make any of these dreams come true? And. Um, and for me that will be there almost like that inner self is just like, Hey, Hey, I’ve got something to say. And then the next day it’s like, Hey, I’ve got something to say still. And for me it then is that intention of going, okay, these nudges keep coming up gently.

How can I then actually create an intentional space for much more to surface? [00:14:00] So for me, a lot of it sometimes surfaces organically on its own through these gentle thoughts. That might come through, but then I try to go, okay, later tonight, I’m going to sit with myself and put on some gentle music and then really engage with my inner self.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah.

Leigh Ann: What it has to say and what it needs to hear. Or sometimes it’s, I’ll do an EVOC session on myself to then allow more to stir up.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah. So you take yourself seriously when those little thoughts come up. I think, first of all, that’s a really important point because sometimes I think it’s pretty easy for our internal dialogue to be like, Oh God, just come on.

Like, let’s get a move on. Let’s go. Or like you got this or whatever the case may be thinking like you can almost positive, like mantra self talk your way past it. Um, And then, you know, really taking the time to follow that thread wherever it goes, making space for it in the day. Yeah, I think that’s

Leigh Ann: key too.

Because I think the reality, again, [00:15:00] I’m, I’m not, I try not to be super lofty. It would be so great to have this idealism of like, The moment a thought comes up, you’re going to attune to it and sit with it and follow it to its completion. But the reality of life is that’s just not how it works. Sometimes I’m, I have my 15 minutes between clients and then that sadness nudge comes up and I have to go, Hey, I hear you inner self.

I so deeply want to hear more about this. I can’t do that right now, but later tonight, I promise I’m going to make space for you.

Kelly Schmidt: Okay. I think we should pause there because somebody listening might be like, Oh yeah, I’m sure she does that. But the reality is that I know you really do that. I know that you are literally self talking that out.

And I think that’s the difference. Like your inner, your subconscious, I know you would say that, so feel free to, to jump in with, um, more eloquent way of putting it, but, uh, like you really do give yourself conscious or your, your inner voice, like the, like the, the [00:16:00] credence, the, the weight, you know, and you take it seriously and you talk it out actually in your head.

And I think that that’s. Something that maybe a lot of us aren’t doing that could actually kind of maybe shift things. What do you think?

Leigh Ann: Yeah, I, I find it impactful for me. Is it a one size fits all? No, of course not. That might, that approach might not resonate with some people, but I just find when I think of my inner self, almost as if she was

Kelly Schmidt: Um,

Leigh Ann: another person in the room, I pay attention to her so much more because when you think about it, if you had a friend, if you had your living, breathing friend walk up to you like, Hey, I’ve been experiencing a ton of sadness lately.

Most of us aren’t just going to go, uh, sorry, don’t have time for that. Can’t really talk. Uh, bye. Or just like ignore or just be like, or just totally ignore it or just move on and you just like, we’ll just be happy. Come on, get over it. Get past it. If it was another person, we’d probably be like, Oh my [00:17:00] gosh, I am so sorry.

Tell me about that. What are you feeling? What do you need to say? Or if it was that situation where it’s like I’m running between something, you still probably would acknowledge them and say, Oh my gosh, thank you so much for sharing your heart with me. I want to show up for you. Yeah. I can’t write in this moment, but later tonight, let’s jump on a call.

We’ll chat through it. And I just find when I approach my inner self as if she was another person in the room, I am much less dismissive, much more engaging, much more intentional.

Kelly Schmidt: And yeah, I

Leigh Ann: have full on conversations with that inner self.

Kelly Schmidt: I think that makes total sense. I mean, to be honest, I don’t do that enough.

You know, I’m, I’m everybody out here listening, going, oops, yeah, don’t, I don’t do that. Um, and I think, I don’t know, I think that’s, to your point, not one size fits all and maybe other people have something that works perfectly fine for them and no knocking that [00:18:00] of course, but I do think there might be something to that actually.

Taking the time to talk it out in our minds, like not only kind of slows us down, like calms the monkey mind, but it gives us a chance to be like, Whoa, actually there’s something going on that I. I do want to pay attention to, and I am going to, because you’re going to remember that conversation. You know, at the end of your day, you’re going to be like, oh yeah, and then that happened.

Not just like, you were running and you blew right past it. Uh, so, I don’t know, I think there’s something really kind of critical about almost hearing your inner voice say the words.

Leigh Ann: Yeah, I, I find it so impactful. And I think a lot of the clients I introduced that to find it really impactful as well. And the last thing I’ll just say to that is it’s impactful in a multiple of ways.

One, when we’re just, when we ignore that, when we brush it aside, whatever it is, it’s so dismissive. And I think the reality is. Many, many of us have [00:19:00] abandonment wounds, have neglect wounds. And so we don’t realize when we’re so casually dismissive of ourself, it’s like inflicting that same wound on ourselves.

We’re reactivating it. Totally. But I also think it’s so important because when we jump right in, when we try to positive, right, positivity is emotional bypass. It’s fine. You’re good. Just push through it. It’s a great day. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to get through this. Again, like, I think that’s negatively impactful for two reasons.

One, we’re just totally dismissing ourselves and not attuning. But two, that inner self can’t receive that message, I think, right? Otherwise it would work. Yeah. To your point, it would work. Yeah. I think of this, the analogy of like, If you’re scared and you’re trying to tell someone you’re scared or you’re stressed or whatever it is, but they cut you off.

No, no, don’t worry. It’s going to be fine. It’s okay. [00:20:00] You actually are kind of like, well, hang on. You didn’t even hear what I’m scared about. So I can’t trust what you just said.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah,

Leigh Ann: because you’re not actually hearing me if you hear me first and I know you heard me and I know you know what’s up and what I’m afraid about, then I’m going to be able to receive what you say so much more.

So I think that hearing of the self is so impactful, not just for emotional processing and attunement, but because once you hear yourself first, that inner self is then going to be open. To hear what you have to say back. Sure, sure. And actually able to receive it.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah, and take it in and maybe make the shift from there.

Yeah. What would you say to someone, anyone, could be anyone, um, who, Asking for a friend. Yeah. Um, who feels like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s all well and good. for the children in our lives. But the reality [00:21:00] is that I’m an adult and I just need to get my shit together. You know, I can’t really give myself this grace.

There are expectations. Like I was a kid and I needed more than, and kids deserve a lot. But now I’m an adult and I need to get it together. What would you say to that?

Leigh Ann: Well, I’d say first, why does being an adult mean we deserve less? Attention and care. That’s a great start.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah.

Leigh Ann: There’s some sentiment there of like, well, now that you’re an adult and you can control your emotions, you should, you should just get a grip on it.

And I’m actually like, no, that love, that affection, that uplifting affirming way we approach children. Why on earth does that need to change? Just because we’re an adult with that said, maybe the distinction is as an adult. I have real life responsibilities. So I have to sometimes go, Ooh, I feel this thing coming up right [00:22:00] now and I can’t sit with it because I’ve got a client in five minutes or I’m jumping on a podcast interview in two minutes.

And I think that, that is that emotional maturity of being able to go, I’m not going to let my emotions steer the ship. Yeah. But that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t later come back and be really, really intentional about making that space. Right. to see, hear, respond to what’s coming up.

Kelly Schmidt: And I almost wonder if by doing that it allows for more calm in the moment, you know, when you might be really activated.

If you actually like take a couple seconds to say, okay, I hear you later. We will promise. I wonder if that really does give a little, just the tiniest bit of relief that you can kind of, you know, press forward with whatever you need to do, um, in the moment.

Leigh Ann: I don’t know about anyone else, but I find it really, really does versus if I’m dismissive of just like, Oh my God, just get rid [00:23:00] of it.

Just let go. Come on, move on. You need to focus. The heaviness lingers. And then, whatever it is, if I’m trying to do a podcast interview, that whole hour is like such, sometimes there’s so much conscious effort that has to go into staying present and not letting that heaviness drag me down versus when I gently dialogue with that self really quickly.

And go, Hey, I see you, I want to hear you and I promise I’m going to make space for this later. It’s sort of like, then it really can just flow right on through.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah.

Leigh Ann: And then you come, you come to it later. So yeah. As long as you do right. Otherwise you do. And that, that also is so important in maintaining that trust and safety with yourself, right?

Is that you will follow through.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah. And then if you do that, I imagine the next time this comes up, you’re activated, but you self talk. Your self down. Um, you’re more able to [00:24:00] kind of move through that because somewhere subconsciously you trust yourself. You believe that you will do the work that you need to get done later.

Leigh Ann: It becomes more and more soothing because there is more and more trust. Yes. Yes. Your inner self is like, Oh, you know what? The last 20 times this has happened, she really has come back to me. Yeah. So I believe her. So I believe, yeah, totally.

Kelly Schmidt: I’m going to take all of that to heart. Uh, I don’t know about anyone listening, but I’m sure we can all resonate with, uh, with this experience.

And I think that’s a really actionable exercise that we could all kind of take with us. That’s amazing.

Leigh Ann: So with that said though, I think a part of coming into this new year, especially like January, February, this winter, I, it feels good to actually feel ready to go. And now I’m ready to excavate. Now I’m ready to look at some of this stuff deeply.

Like, I don’t feel like my ship is in danger of sinking. So now I can, to your point, like open up this [00:25:00] box and sit quietly because the ship is moving forward peacefully. But the last six months, it literally felt like there’s all these holes in the boat. I got to plug them up. I think it actually would have been.

Foolish of me to try to sit there and process that box of stuff when there’s holes in my ship.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah.

Leigh Ann: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I just say that because I’m, I’m weirdly excited. I mean, you know, I get so excited for this work because I know that on the other side of it, even though it’s so hard and it’s confronting and scary and heavy and painful at times, I know on the other side of it is so much peace.

And so much clarity and so much more alignment. And so, but it, so with that said, it just feels good to feel ready to excavate. Yeah, I was going to say, you must

Kelly Schmidt: be excited to have arrived at this point, you know, and having, not that you’re through anything, you know, the, the journey of grief is not linear as we know, [00:26:00] but to be at this point and to feel really comfortable with that.

You’re not forcing anything. This is the right time. That must feel like a huge, it must feel like an accomplishment. It must feel like, wow, I did it. I got through and I’m, I’m continuing to move through.

Leigh Ann: Yeah. Yeah. It, it really does. And, and I, for me, it’s so cool to look back because the me from even three years ago, I think would not have been able to make it through that time.

Like. everything would have come crumbling down. And so I look back at the me from three years ago, two years ago, a year ago, who was so committed to doing the work because that work built such a strong foundation so that when devastation happened, the foundation I was standing on was so strong that it didn’t, I didn’t, you know, jump ship and end up.

flailing in the open waters. I still have [00:27:00] my ship. So

Kelly Schmidt: yeah, it’s a big deal. Good on you. It is. It is. I mean, of course I wouldn’t wish it for anyone, right? Like we don’t wish for ourselves an opportunity to prove that we’ve done the work, uh, ever, but, uh, when it does come, uh, what an amazing feeling to see all of that effort and intentionality bring fruit and light

Leigh Ann: to your life.

Yeah. And then you take that as that motivation to keep leaning in, in future stuff, right? I have now proof that that work leads to so many amazing positive outcomes. And so now I find myself here, like, at the start of another road of deep processing and excavating and knowing, Oh my gosh, the Leanne six months from now is going to look back and be so damn grateful.

And the me a year from now and five years from now. And, and I’ve already done that [00:28:00] cycle and I’ve already seen that to be true. So that inspires me to keep doing that and keep leaning in.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah.

Leigh Ann: So worth it. Yep. Okay. So pivoting a little bit, there’s two other things I want to talk about. Maybe I’ll go to the sound bath first.

Cause this was also again, just, it’s so fun to observe ourselves. And I feel like I’m constantly in this back and forth of living it and then observing it almost like I’m a third person watching myself and going. That’s so interesting that Leanne responded that way to that thing. Um, what is that about?

What might be going on here? And then I’m actively in it, experiencing it. It’s amazing. So I had, you know, I’m sure a lot of the audience knows I hosted that private sound bath for all of my clients and community, and it was amazing. It was beautiful. Lindsay is such an amazing facilitator with the sound baths and the singing.

Um, And 40 people showed up, which [00:29:00] is amazing, but I have to tell you what I, what happened after, because it really shook me. Right. Again, kind of observing myself in that third person. I was sort of like, what is going on right now, girl? Like you just had an amazing experience. Why are you? So I left that sound bath.

It was amazing. I left from there to drive out to Corona for Christmas. So I had like an hour drive to myself. As soon as that sound bath finished, I cried the whole way home, the whole way home. And I want to talk about like the reflections and the insight came out of that because I had an hour to really sit with it and go.

What is this about? And at first it started with like panic and fear of, Oh my gosh, that was my first time hosting an event like that. I, I was really beating myself up because I was like, You didn’t really actually talk to anyone for longer than like two minutes because I [00:30:00] kept bouncing around to like, Oh, and this person and I wanted to introduce them to that.

We need to talk to Lindsay about this. And, and so after the event ended, I found myself feeling really disheartened and really like, Oh my God, people are going to think I was ignoring them. I just was spiraling. I was totally spiraling after that, like totally. Casting a shadow over such an amazing event.

And even as that was happening, I was like, Oh, you are totally upper limiting right now. This was such an amazing experience. You are on cloud nine. People were so thrilled to be there. Wanting to take pictures with me and telling me how much I’ve changed their life. And I think that was just so much goodness that it was really hard to receive that.

So I had to, I had to bring it down to a level that I was comfortable with. Right. But what was so profound in that, and this is why I think [00:31:00] it is so important to just let ourself be heard before trying to immediately take ourself to a better place. I just let all that heaviness and negativity come out.

Oh my God, I ruined it. People are going to be so mad that I didn’t talk to them enough. They’re going to be so disappointed. I totally let everyone down and I just let that stream of consciousness go. And I cried about that for a good long while. But then once that, that started to settle, what really surfaced beneath that was I am so blown away.

That 40 people would want to show up. And by the way, half more than half of my clients are remote. So there’s a good chunk of people who couldn’t have even gone even if they wanted to. And what really surfaced out of that for me was super profound because I realized two huge things. One, this is what I’ve been dreaming of for years.

Ever since I launched my [00:32:00] practice, I wanted community to be a part of it. But one, like being the introvert I am to my Core and also connection. People might not think this, but connection is really hard for me outside of client sessions, right? It is hard for me to let people in. And so I always have wanted to create a beautiful, healing, uplifting community.

And yet that has been one of those things that feels like an Everest for me of just, I don’t know how I am going to achieve that. Yeah. So to be there and see all these 40 people and they were all engaging with each other and talking to each other and making connections. And I had some of the other practitioners who were there say, Oh my gosh, we’ve done so many events and these are really special people.

And I’ve never been around like kinder people and happier people. And I just was like, Oh my gosh, yes, this, these are my [00:33:00] people. Yeah. So good. And they’re so loving and they’re so genuine and kind and caring. And so it was, it was very full circle to be, Oh my gosh, you, you did it or you started to do it.

Right. And then kind of to that end, this is going back even further, right? Since I was a little, little kid. Absolutely. Always, always dreaming of changing lives and making positive impact. And for most of my life, that felt like something far away further down the path of like, I just, I just can’t wait to get there.

I can’t wait to help people. I can’t wait to change lives and to have so many people come up to me during that event and thank me, telling my mom how much I’ve changed their life. It was like, Oh my God, I’m not, dreaming anymore of something in the future. It’s here. I’m in it. It’s happening. [00:34:00] And I think really like then what the tears turned into were just tears of joy and relief that like, wow, this hard work.

Is starting to come to fruition. And that’s not to say that the dream is now over. Like, no, it’s just the beginning. There’s so many more places I want to go with this, but that was the first time actually, I think since launching my business and first time in my whole life where I was like, Oh my God, the dream is no longer some far off distant destination.

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Kelly Schmidt: Yeah, it’s like it lit a new little flame You know, kind of starting to burn in a new way that you’re like, okay, and now we’re bringing this to life and it’s happening and I can breathe oxygen into that flame.

And it’s really becoming something which is magical to see. I almost wonder if your first reaction was almost like the, the ego part. That’s like, but they came and I organized this. And what happens if I’m not there for everybody? Um, because that is my work. Right. And then. Of course, you know, they’re there for a variety of reasons.

You, of course, you’re, you’re the great connector, um, Leanne. But then [00:37:00] also for the sound bath, for community with each other and just knowing and trusting it, it sounds like you kind of moved through that to like, this is what I want to facilitate. This is the healing environment. My work is meant to, you know, co create with other people and they bring their own healing element of it too.

And so, um, it sounds like that, all of that alchemy just kind of like, really, well, it sounds like it was pretty overwhelming, obviously. Um, but you kind of moved through that from like, it’s all on me to like, it’s not all on me. It’s actually, Something we are co creating together. These are my, my beautiful people and community, and I have more energy and passion for it than ever.

Leigh Ann: Yeah, totally. I mean, to that point of the ego, the thought beneath the thought was I, I didn’t spend enough time with each person and. They’re gonna then like, reject me or abandon me Right. Because

Kelly Schmidt: of that. Yeah. And he goes like, I can’t handle that. That can’t be what’s happening. Even though every person there just is [00:38:00] looking at you like, oh, this, this goddess has changed my life.

She has done so much for me. You know, it’s so funny that like the stories we tell ourselves, um, yeah. In the moment. And of course like the pressure. Makes makes total sense just even for how much you show up for your clients It totally does but look at kind of the magic that happened even though you weren’t You know kind of the one for every person there you held the space you created the magic And you kind of manifested the exact kind of community you’ve always wanted.

That’s a miracle

Leigh Ann: Yeah, and it just Wow, I can’t tell you The depth of the joy and the relief of like, Oh, yeah, because when you have a dream, there’s always a party that’s like, but what if it never happens? Yep. And so I, there was that part of me that I think in that moment was just like, Oh my God, it happened.

It’s happening [00:39:00] here. And I, wow. Yeah. It really overwhelmed me in the best way. Um, but to that end, I had to sit with whatever that heaviness was coming up first, I think to be able to then get to that other part.

Kelly Schmidt: Oh, totally. Yeah. Yeah. Because I mean, I think that makes, um, perfect sense. And also to be emotionally overwhelmed, like maybe at first you’re just like, I’m feeling a lot of things and I’m not even sure like why or where that happened, but it’s pretty incredible to bring 40 people together around kind of a common shared thread.

Um, and I think just. The knowing you like the, um, you know, responsibility, you almost feel in that moment to like, okay, I want to honor that all these people showed up, you know, it’s such a, it’s such a gift that they did, but also it’s a gift back to you. I think land, it’s like a reassurance, right? Of like, yes, this is you, you’re, you’re on the path, you’re having the impact and here’s a little glimmer for you.[00:40:00]

Leigh Ann: Yeah. A thousand percent. I mean, it was. It’s such a gift for me. I don’t think the people who attended even know how much that did for me to see them all there coming together. Yeah. It was so, so, so special and powerful. And now it’s just, and I can receive that.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah. That’s a huge one.

Leigh Ann: Yeah. That’s a huge one.

Okay. The other thing we’re kind of bouncing all over, but it’s just fun to share some of the, the takeaways is I, so this is like, so completely random and off topic of everything we were talking about, but it was such an interesting experience for me observing myself because I would say over the last year and a half, maybe even two years, I started to have this fear of flying.

Which I have never had in my life before, um, and really it’s turbulence, right? When the turbulence hits, I get [00:41:00] crazy scared and uncomfortable and pretty much the whole flight, I am just sitting in tension, like, Oh, is it going to happen again? What if it’s worse? What if it doesn’t stop? And I have never.

experience that before in my life. And so just last year, I was flying, I was flying to Canada, um, in November. And again, like sitting in the turbulence, so uncomfortable, so afraid, starting to have thoughts of like, I don’t know if I want to fly anymore. And Um, in that, in that exact moment, I was like, okay, no, I’m going to figure this out.

I need to workshop this. I know this is not how I have always existed and I know there’s something causing it. And if I workshop it and sit with it, I’m going to get to the root of this and be able to not live with this fear of flying for the rest of my life. That’s too much. So literally on this flight to Canada, I’m.

Sitting there like in the middle [00:42:00] aisle between two massive guys scared every time the plane is shaking like eyes closed trying to process this and Where my mind went was okay What was the mindset I was in when in all the years previous when I wasn’t afraid and really what I boiled it down to In that moment was I wasn’t afraid to die And that’s where my mind would go in moments of turbulence.

I’d be like, yeah, well the plane could crash and if I died, that’s okay. So then when I went beneath that deeper, okay, so why, why wasn’t I afraid to die then? But now I am. That took me to what I think was the meat and potatoes of this, which is, well, I think before I really felt like I was living in my fullest capacity, in my deepest fulfillment, living to my fullest potential.

Giving 110 percent and what I came to was honestly this feeling [00:43:00] of, even though I am doing a lot and I’m achieving a lot of really exciting things, if I’m being honest with myself, I do feel like I’m holding back in some ways. I do feel like there’s, you know, I feel like I’m operating at. 50 percent of my actual capacity.

And that’s not even about like what’s being achieved or how much money I’m making. It really just is about like, I know I have more within me. And and so really, I think what that boiled down to for me was if I were to die right now. I’d be really disappointed of like, ah, but I didn’t, some of these things didn’t happen.

And it’s not because I was giving 110 percent and making headway on them. It’s because I wasn’t making any headway on them. And you know what was crazy is like the fear of the turbulence vanished completely.

Kelly Schmidt: In that moment. Pretty wild.

Leigh Ann: It’s pretty [00:44:00] wild. You talked yourself through it in real time. Yeah.

Being able to identify, Oh, this, this is about a fear of dying and the fear of dying really rooted in feeling, um, dissatisfied with if I were to die right now, I would be dissatisfied because I am not living to my fullest potential.

Kelly Schmidt: And

Leigh Ann: that really is like my biggest fear. in life is to be on my deathbed and go, like, I could have given a lot more.

Yeah. Um, and therefore like created and Done a lot more. I think it’s that I can have peace with, right? If I’m giving 110 percent and making headway sure I die before I achieve some of these things I know though. I’ll still have peace of like, well, I did everything I could right? But when I’m not in the back of your mind, I’m not doing everything I could.

Yes.

Kelly Schmidt: Oh,

Leigh Ann: I don’t know Yeah, really hard.

Kelly Schmidt: No, I mean I resonate I think a [00:45:00] similar experience happened to me but with driving on the freeways Um A couple years ago, and I think at the time I, I pinpointed it to pinpointed it to, um, almost like a, I’m getting older thing. And that did feel resonant and true at the time.

I think in my twenties, I was just a little less engaged with life. I was less like present to my own experience of it. Um, a little bit. Less paying attention to the voice in my head, my inner self, my subconscious, as you well know, um, but, uh, you know, I’ve come to you to get in tune with my subconscious and that has really brought a lot of new thoughts and sometimes new fears to the table.

And so I think. Since a couple of years ago, this kind of sprang up. I was like, that’s so odd. I’ve been driving the California freeways for a [00:46:00] decade with no concern. And all of a sudden I feel very conscious that I’m in a death trap hurling down the freeway and anyone could smash into me at any point. I have no faith or trust in the people around me.

And I think I came to a very similar conclusion that I felt there was like something missing in my human experience that I had not achieved yet. And if I didn’t ever find out what that was, it would be a big loss. Um, and I think it’s something I still think about from time to time and also the fears will still pop up here and there, but I can always trace it back to that.

I can always trace it back to a certain unsettledness in my life in that moment or a certain, you know, belief popping up, uh, about myself or what I’ve accomplished or my purpose. And then I’ll just be driving on the road and suddenly feeling a little terrified. And, um, I wonder if you think this, like, fear of the [00:47:00] turbulence and the flying is something that you’re like, Oh, I’ve nipped it in the bud.

Or could you see yourself kind of having to have this conversation internally again?

Leigh Ann: We’ll see. You know, that was my flight going to Canada. The flight coming back, I didn’t have any issues at all.

Kelly Schmidt: Okay.

Leigh Ann: And I haven’t had any issues since. Yeah. So we’ll see. But, but also at the same time, and I think this is partly why the reflection is so powerful is if it does show up again, now I’m going to know immediately what that’s about.

Yeah. Or at least. In part, what that could be about and go, Oh, am I feeling unfulfilled? Am I feeling like I’m not living my fullest potential? Yeah. And so now it’s almost like a cue and that a cue to my brain of, Mm, here’s what might be off for me if I do start experiencing it again. But, um, I think that’s so much more empowering because, I mean, what a horrible feeling for me.

It was very jarring to be like, Why am I all of a sudden terrified of [00:48:00] turbulence? It felt very entrapping and it felt very limiting and almost like, why has my mind betrayed me? And I know that’s where a lot of people can go. And then that feeling of, to be in that feeling of, So this is how it’s going to be the rest of my life.

I love to travel. I fly very often and I’m not even 30 yet. So the rest of my life, I’m going to be dealing with that. And what a horrible thought, like what a really, really sad, heavy thought to be in. And so that reminder of, first of all, your brain isn’t trying to sabotage you. In fact, it’s only ever trying to communicate.

It’s only ever trying to protect you. My, you know, there was a message in that fear. And because I sat with it, I was able to get to what that deeper message was and go, Oh, I’m not living my fullest potential. That doesn’t sit well with me. Right. Between me and Leanne, between my [00:49:00] inner self and my outer self, that’s causing a rift.

Right. So I, what do I need to do to repair that? That’s not to say that that’s something that causes a rift for everyone.

Kelly Schmidt: True.

Leigh Ann: Uh, it was for me, but I just think how, how much more empowering it is to approach those things in that way, rather than. Well, my mind’s just suddenly turned on me. And now I have this fear of flying that I guess I’ll have to deal with the rest of my life, but going, what is this about?

What is the deeper message or communication here? Because my subconscious is only ever trying to protect me from the place of like deepest love.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah. I don’t know if you agree with this, but I do think that the sooner you do that work, the better, you know, I think it’s probably very. Um, you know, wise and, and sort of fortuitous that you had that experience when you did and then jumped right on it to kind of work through because I think the more times you experience that and you’re not able to get to the root of it, you’re just having an [00:50:00] intense fear.

Um, it starts to take root, you know, and kind of grow, uh, legs in, in your mind. I think that people end up with, you know, deeply ingrained. lifelong phobia is just because maybe that initial point where it popped up, like nothing really happened. Right? We just said like, Oh, okay, I’m frozen. And maybe we didn’t have the tools, right?

Or the, the knowledge or the know how of how to kind of walk ourselves through it the way you did. Um, but yeah, I do agree. I feel like

Leigh Ann: I think that’s a really good point. Yeah. Because what happens is like when I work with people who have experienced panic attacks, now we have to workshop, not just the panic attacks and what’s causing that, but then the fear and the hyper vigilance that comes in.

Now there’s a fear of the fear. There’s a fear of having a panic attack, which in and of itself can be super dysregulating and uncomfortable. I’m not even having a panic attack, but I’m so anxious [00:51:00] that I will that that anxiety even leading up to, even if I never have a panic attack, I’m sitting in anxiety the whole time, afraid I will.

Kelly Schmidt: Oh yeah,

Leigh Ann: totally. I agree that the sooner we can jump on these things, the better because it can, it can become a, a bigger issue with more legs that need to be workshopped. And also with that said, it doesn’t mean those can’t be workshopped. It starts to, you know, become a bigger beast, the longer, the longer.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah. I’m just taking away in this conversation to not avoid anything. Don’t avoid it. You feel it. You sit yourself down that night, girl, and you have the hard conversation because you pay for it 20 times more down the line. And it’s just, I mean, we all do it or have done it a time or two, but, um, man, the through line for me in this whole conversation is If we, if we choose not to avoid, we actually can see, um, you know, great freedom from the things that burden us.[00:52:00]

Leigh Ann: A thousand percent and just there is so much more peace and joy and alignment available to us than I think we oftentimes even believe we, I think when we have a lot of anxiousness or fear or sadness that is around us all the time, it becomes normal even though it’s not. And so that reminder of no, that’s actually not how our days have to be where there’s just always this heaviness lingering or this subtle panic in the background.

That is not how your day to day has to be. Your baseline can be joy and peace and confidence and lightness. Um, and so if that’s not what you’re experiencing. Yes, no, no, that that is not what your day to day needs to be. It can be so different, but it’s not just going to happen

Kelly Schmidt: magically.

Leigh Ann: I mean, if that, right, like that’s the biggest thing here is, um, [00:53:00] yeah.

What’s not looked at just builds really.

Kelly Schmidt: And I think to piggyback on that, it’s. It’s not entirely based on your circumstances either. And I think that’s a place I particularly have gotten hung up over the years. Like I can’t have ease and joy and peace unless my circumstances line up just so. Um, and I think a lot of people, not just me, Leanne, other people feel that way too.

And I think it’s an important kind of note here that. Um, there is a path to finding that peace and ease despite what might be kind of swirling around you.

Leigh Ann: Yeah. I mean, such a good point because, right, oftentimes the narrative beneath that, what I hear in that is an unconscious belief of, well, I can’t have joy until.

Yeah. I can’t have peace until blank and it’s hard to feel this way. And I know it could, it could even come off and feel dismissive when I say this, when you’re in the thick of something really painful or really [00:54:00] hard, but joy and peace are infinite. There is no limit to them. Those are available to us.

All the time. Now, is it true that if this thing were to change in my life, I could have access to more joy? Absolutely. Pursue the thing. But we don’t want that narrative to our inner self to be, yeah, sorry. Just there’s no joy for you until you. Make this much money or until you have this type of relationship or this job or live in this place It needs to be I have access to those things now And as I create more alignment as I unburden more of this stuff That’s holding me down.

I’ll have access to even more of that

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah, and I find that if I come at my You know, mentally envision my circumstances in a certain light and decide that joy is not allowed. You know, maybe not consciously, but in my head, I think like, Oh, this is just [00:55:00] not a good season. And I mentally repeat that enough times.

The joyful nuggets that could be noticed and found are, I have like blinders onto them. Uh huh. A hundred percent. It’s so sad. I mean, think about how much joy has just existed. around us and we’re just blinders not paying attention, choosing to not allow joy into what may be very painful or challenging circumstances, but could be maybe a tad lighter, maybe, uh, have like little glimmers of hope in them.

And we actively turn away from them. Why do we do that?

Leigh Ann: Well, that that’s unconscious bias, right? Where the subconscious is only ever trying to prove itself, right? So if you have, and then this starts to become self fulfilling prophecy and I’ll, of. Like give that example based on what you just said. If I have a belief in my unconscious that I cannot be happy until blank, that is going to impact me in two ways.

It’s going to impact what I am [00:56:00] attracting in, but also what I am repelling. And you gave such a good example there of if I believe I can’t be happy or joyful until blank, my brain’s trying to prove that too. True. So it will only take in and give credence to information and experiences that confirm the belief and this is so, so, so powerful because it, it can really manifest in that way where good things are happening.

There are moments of joy available to you, but your, your brain truly is not registering them because of this belief. The brain will go, Ooh, that doesn’t match with this belief that I can’t have joy yet. So I’m not going to take that in. I’m not going to receive that and like categorize that and really sit with it.

Yeah. And then it, it, it becomes the spiral of self fulfilling prophecy words because I believe it. And I am [00:57:00] unconsciously Repelling the experiences or not receiving the experiences that prove me wrong, it becomes self fulfilling prophecy and it ends up being true.

Kelly Schmidt: And I will speak from personal experience here, it is so hard to dislodge it.

You know, the, the longer it goes on, the harder it is to break out of that. So yeah,

Leigh Ann: yeah. It’s actually a really great sign. To observe what is it? What do I find? What are the types of people, the types of experiences I feel I am attracting in or I am experiencing a lot of and vice versa. What is it that I want?

The types of people, the types of experiences, the types of things that I want that just always seem elusive to me. Those can actually be really powerful clues. To the beliefs in your subconscious, what you’re attracting or repelling, what you are experiencing a ton of, and what you can’t seem to get enough of [00:58:00] helps point us to those deeper thoughts of either what I feel deserving or safe to receive.

Kelly Schmidt: That’s a really valid point that I think we should all journal on tonight. Like, what are we seeing pop up in our lives on repeat that maybe we’re like, why is this happening? And ding, ding, like that’s right where the work is.

Leigh Ann: Completely. Yeah. Cause it’s not, it’s not just random, right? If you’re like, why, why is this now the fifth boss in a row who treats me this way?

And it could be really easy to go, God, I’m just, I’m just a victim. I’m so unlucky. I can’t believe I keep randomly getting bosses like this. And that’s not to say that you’re also fully responsible for that, but there can be something interesting there. I’m always about taking ownership. How might I be impacting this?

And unconsciously it might be like, I don’t think anything better exists, or I don’t think I deserve something better. So I unconsciously keep choosing [00:59:00] dynamics. That are recreating it. So yeah, I

Kelly Schmidt: choose a dynamic with, you know, the best of intentions. It turns out to be one way and I don’t make the choice.

to leave or to make a shift. I think that is the one that happens probably most commonly for people. It’s like, we’re not, maybe we’re not intentionally, you know, you don’t know what, what boss is going to show up or what scenario might be in front of you. And certainly there are things we attract, but I think there’s a good chunk of things that maybe we in good faith walk into, but we do not in good faith walk out of.

We do. You know, and I, I think that’s where the limiting belief really comes in. That’s like, Oh no, no, no. There you don’t get to make another choice. You don’t get to risk it. You don’t get to make a change. This is just your bed. And now you lay in it.

Leigh Ann: Yeah. Yeah. Well, completely. Right. And that’s so often how the limiting belief shows up.

Is it that I actually attracted that person in or unconsciously chose something sometimes? Yes. [01:00:00] But it’s also, if I unconsciously think, you know, this is just how it is and I can’t find anything better. You are going to stay in it. So, yeah, sometimes the limiting belief is impacting, not necessarily what’s being attracted, but how you’re responding to it and that you’re not choosing to shift or let it go or choose something else once that is there.

Once that is there.

Kelly Schmidt: Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Oh,

Leigh Ann: this was good. I

Kelly Schmidt: loved it. I know. That was a fun conversation. I love that we bounced around to a few things, but they all kind of came back to a few themes. So there was a through line in that. Yes. I loved it. Very, very good. 2025. Yeah, 2025. I know we’ll have more conversations about what’s ahead, like you mentioned.

Um, you know, you’re going to be doing more thinking and personal excavating, and I’m sure we’ll chat more in February and March, but this was a really fun little look back on, on the year and what you’ve come through. You’ve been so brave. Oh, thank you. Yes.

Leigh Ann: [01:01:00] Yes. Well, it feels good to be through the thick of it.

And thank you so much for helping facilitate this conversation. Always, always here.